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Steve Wershing:
Welcome to Becoming Referable. The podcast that shows you how to become the advisor people can’t stop talking about. I’m Steve Wershing. David Wood is founder of Play for Real and coaches entrepreneurs on high performance, life and work. He left a consulting job to build a coaching firm and became number one on Google for life coaching, ultimately serving a community of 150,000 coaches. He’s also the author of Get Paid For Who You Are with a foreword by Jack Canfield of Chicken Soup for the Soul fame. In this episode, we talk about shiny object syndrome, and how distractions and multitasking are keeping you from achieving the success that you deserve.

While most entrepreneurs feel the urge to climb every mountain as they say in the sound of music, David emphasizes the importance of picking one mountain and then climbing it two or three times is fast. And he shares with us a couple of specific habits that you can use to get focused and find peace, and stay on track, and get more than you thought you could accomplish. There’s a lot of good advice in this episode about how to accomplish more at work, and in life. And so let’s get to our conversation with David Wood. David Wood, welcome to the Becoming Referable Podcast. Thanks for joining us.

David Wood:
Thanks, Steven and Julie, happy to be here.

Steve Wershing:
So we have had you on before, we had a great conversation and you’ve got something else that is really applicable to a lot of the people among our listeners. So we’re happy to have you back and hear about it because you’ve helped so many business owners with this thing. And before we get to that, just to set the stage for that. Let me ask you this, David. How is the human mind like a monkey on crack?

David Wood:
Well, if you’ve ever tried meditation, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about. You just sit to meditate, close your eyes, and you try and focus on your breath. Well, the mind doesn’t tend to want to do that. It’s often thinking about your girlfriend, or thinking about your kid, or thinking about your sore toe. And then it’s wondering what you’re going to do tomorrow and thinking about what you should have done yesterday. It’s crazy what the human mind does.

Steve Wershing:
I can relate exactly to that, because that’s the challenge I face every morning when I sit and do that. And yes, trying to meditate is like trying to get a monkey on crack to meditate.

David Wood:
Yeah. And it’s similar when you start to focus on your business and trying to get some productive work done. It’s like a meditation. And what happens is the mind does its thing. It’s like a monkey on crack. Oh, let me check this Facebook message, or I need to order that thing on Amazon, or I didn’t book that vet appointment, I didn’t give my dog that medication. It’s just constant. And I imagine that 200 years ago, it was also a problem. But I bet it’s gotten worse. Because our lives are so complex, there’s so much input. And so what entrepreneurs generally face is feeling scattered and smothered. When they’re sailed by ideas and options, it’s like, what do I focus on to really get to where I want to be?

Steve Wershing:
And now we’ve got all those electronic things that are stimulating us all different ways and distracting us from whatever we’re doing.

David Wood:
Yeah, we’re ramping it up. So for example, the way I ramp myself up as I play video game, I get super hyper. And then even during the video game I get a ping on my phone, when I check, oh, it’s a text message. Can I actually respond to them during the game? I think I can. And we try it. And it is, you’re changing our neuro chemistry and look, it’s a shame that our genius as entrepreneurs is also our Achilles’ heel. And it doesn’t have to be that way.

Julie Littlechild:
Do you think, David, this is the human condition or do you think it really is a bigger issue for entrepreneurs, or do you think the brain is wired any differently?

David Wood:
Yeah, it’s both. I think it’s a human condition. I think most of us are ramped up. Either be the occasional person that goes and lives in the woods and tills the soil and is much more grounded. But most of us are ramped up. And then entrepreneurs I do believe it’s worse, partly because we’re responsible for our own income and food. If you have a job 9:00 to 5:00, you go you do your work, you come home. For most people it’s easier to switch off because it’s not your business. But when it’s your own it’s different. Plus, just one more thing Steve, if I may, is entrepreneurs we generate. That’s what we do, we generate and we see ideas and we see all these options. So yes, I think it’s worse for us.

Steve Wershing:
Well, and I wonder, David, of what you think about whether … is it that entrepreneurs have to face all of these pressures and so they get ramped up? Or are they entrepreneurs because their brain is wired all in this hyper active state?

David Wood:
I didn’t really understand that question. Can you ask it a different way?

Steve Wershing:
Are we all, are we hyper sensitive, are we ramped up? Because we’re entrepreneurs or are we entrepreneurs, because we’re ramped up?

David Wood:
By default, we’re going to see a lot of ideas and a lot of options. And it’s challenging to know which one’s, like which ones do I focus on? And then how do I eliminate all distractions so that I can actually work on this plan. So by default, we’re in a little bit of trouble. But I think because of the structures and systems most of us have set up, or I should say, lack of systems and structures. We do make it worse.

Julie Littlechild:
So you talk about shiny object syndrome, David, is that what you’re referring to? Can you tell us a bit more about you’re thinking there?

David Wood:
Yeah, shiny object syndrome. That refers to a kid who sees all these old toys and shiny things and goes running after each one. And then you grab one play with it for 10 seconds, and then you see another one, you drop it and you go for that. Same with an entrepreneur, we can see five or six or 10 or 20 different goals we could pursue, and then five, 10, 20 different strategies we could pursue for each one of those. And the metaphor I like to use is we’re digging for gold, we’re all digging for gold. But the problem is we’re digging 100 holes three feet deep when the goal is 100, 200 or 300 feet down.

Julie Littlechild:
Yeah.

David Wood:
So we need to pick one of those holes and really dig deep. Now, as an entrepreneur I know that’s a bit much to ask. So I ask my clients to pick three holes, focus on three and go deep with those instead of a three … 100 holes three feet deep.

Julie Littlechild:
I feel like you’re describing my life by the way.

David Wood:
Yeah, right. It’s like, oh, this is good. I had one client, it’s classic. He came to me and said, “All right, I got this opportunity to buy a business. I think it’s got a good price. It’s going to cost me about a million. I think I can raise the money.” And I said, let me get this straight. “You’ve got so much spare time and spare ram in your head. And you’re so bored and you’ve completed so much of what’s on your plate to a degree of excellence, and you’ve achieved dominance in your market that you’re like, I’ll take on something.” And there was about a minute of silence anyway. All right, let’s get back to it.

Steve Wershing:
So tell us a little bit about what that looks like. So if you, so if an entrepreneur buys into the idea of digging one deep hole instead of 100 shallow, or three deep holes instead of 100 shallow holes, what does that look like in terms of everyday practice? Obviously, if there’s a big project that could distract you, you want to turn that down. But can you get a little more granular for us on that?

David Wood:
Yeah, absolutely.

Steve Wershing:
On a day by day thing.

David Wood:
Yeah. Let’s start at the beginning. So there are five steps that I take my clients through, and the first one is checking on your goals. Do you know what they are? Here’s a good question. Do they light you up? And are they clear, specific and measurable? A lot of people know about smart goals. 12 months is a reasonable period of time. So that’s the first thing. You want goals that matter and motivate. If not, how are you going to focus? And why would you focus if you don’t even know where you’re heading? So that’s one. And then let’s say we’ve got that set. All right, we know where you’re going. Step two, plan it out. This doesn’t have to be complicated. Doesn’t have to be a 30 page business plan. Just work out. Alright, by six months, what do I have to have in place? By three months what has to have it be in place? And by one month what do I need in place? You can do that in like 10 minutes. You’ll keep changing it over time, but that’s the plan.

And then, thirdly, are you planning? And I believe that within us we have a CEO who’s capable of stepping back from the business and setting targets, and organizing. And then we have a worker who can roll up our sleeves and get started. The problem is we’re trying to mix the two. And we get confused. We wake up each morning not sure exactly what to work on. So we got to spend half an hour just working that out. You’re trying to engage your CEO, when your work should be just getting to work. So simple way to handle this. Schedule 30 minutes a week, where you review your previous week and celebrate what you did. Because too many of us ignore that we’re always looking at the next mountain to climb, you got to turn around and enjoy the view from time to time. So just 30 minutes, could be four o’clock on a Friday. And you review what you did and then you set your targets for the next seven days. This is what I will achieve.

The second thing, even more important I believe, five minutes at the end of each day. Again, you put your CEO hat on, and you ask yourself this question, what is the one thing that I can do tomorrow that would make the biggest difference in my business? Now because I’m an entrepreneur, I can’t focus on one thing, so I pick two. But I know the first one I loved it, and I know the second one. Because what I want for you listeners, is that when you wake up you know what to do. You don’t have to wonder.

Steve Wershing:
So help me deal with there’s the shiny object syndrome which is chasing new things. But then there are distractions that happen during the day and they are, do you see those as different things or are they the same thing or how do you address those things even if you are clear on what you want to accomplish today?

David Wood:
Well, that’s a good point. I think you’re right. I hadn’t seen it like that before. But there’s shiny object syndrome at the meta level. And then there’s shiny object syndrome at the micro. So it’s a macro-micro. So step three that I was talking about is some regular CEO time, 30 minutes a week, and then five minutes every day. Now, you need to be vigilant when you’re doing that against shiny object syndrome. Because you might see, oh, I could start a side business doing this. Or I could try this marketing method. You have to be ruthless with yourself. If you have a coach, your coaches job will talk you out of some of this stuff, or at least push back. Now, let’s get to the micro level. You wake up, and this is step four. Step four, is you need to focus in the external variety. And what I mean is, when you wake up say you know what to do, which is huge. That puts you ahead of 90% of entrepreneurs, but you wake up knowing the number one thing that you need to do.

Well, here’s the problem. You sit down, you bet you’re going to make those 10 phone calls. And then, ping, you get a text message. And you’re like, oh, I can answer that in just 30 seconds. So you go and do that. And then you get, you try and get back to it. It takes you a bit of time to get back into it. And then ping, oh, you got an email or let me just check what it is. Oh, I can handle that pretty … that’s pretty important. I’m going to do that. And then you just, you finally get back to it an hour later because once you open you’re email inbox, you’re gone. And now you just respond to all those emails because you want to get it, you want to get that box empty. And then you finally get back to it. And there’s a knock at the door, where the delivery person or your wife or your husband has a question or something. So it’s no wonder that we’re feeling scattered and smothered, because we’re not good at multitasking. And yet we’re trying to, so here’s what you do.

Diarize what I call PFABs. Peaceful, Focused, Action, Blocks. I want you to have peaceful focused action. So diarize it. It’s ridiculous to think that you’ll be focused 24/7. So tell your brain when it’s time. All right, 9:00 to 11:00, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, two hours. I block it off, I turn off the distractions on my computer, it cannot notify me. It’s a setting on every computer. Phone goes into airplane mode, sign goes on my door and I’ve told my family this is what I’m doing and I’ll be available in two hours. And then you get to it. That’s how to eliminate external distractions. But there’s another villain in the story, Steven and Julie. Now this is step five. It’s your internal distractions. So you need to focus of the internal variety and this is shiny object syndrome in your head.

So you sit down and you get started on the thing, I’m going to make these 10 calls. And then my brain is like, oh, I didn’t call the vet. I didn’t order that thing on Amazon, let me just do it, I’ll do it in a second. Or I need to draft an email or Bill, I still haven’t done it. I know what that’s going to look like, I’ll just do it now. So you need to guard against that. And what I suggest simple way you can do that. Get a piece of paper, have it next you as you work. And when an idea comes into your head that wants to pull you away, just write it down. Write it down, and so that at the end of you to hour PFAB, you will know what to do and your brain can relax knowing all those things will get handled, but you stay focused. We really are talking about meditation as a practice for your business.

Julie Littlechild:
Are you finding as you’re talking to your clients these days that the current environment has amped up this problem? Just because of the number of distractions we deal with in our home offices.

David Wood:
Yeah, I was going to say no, except for the home office thing. Yeah, I just got off the phone before this interview with a client. And he’s got to homeschool his kids and this is new for him. And so yeah, he’s gone a little bit insane around that. But it’s the same issue. It’s not like we were all focused before. It’s just there’s that extra layer that you need to enroll your family in. All right, I’m going to have these special periods of time where I’m going to focus and not be available. Is that okay with you? Will you support me in that? And it’s important if you tell your kids that you will be available at 11:00 o’clock, or your husband or your wife, that you come out at 11:00 and say, “All right, I’m taking a break. Hello, hit a hug, everybody.” So that they understand that there is integrity and you can be relied on.

Julie Littlechild:
Do you also find that this a muscle we need to work? Is it about practice, something we can at least hope to get more effective at over time?

David Wood:
I’m so glad you said that, Julie. Yes. I remember one client who is CEO of an of a nonprofit. And I gave him these steps. And he’s like, “Oh, great. This is a game changer.” But he couldn’t implement them all at once. These are new habits. And he might find that, for example, he scheduled his PFABs. His Peaceful Focused Action Blocks. But he wasn’t showing up to those. He didn’t yet have the discipline to do it. He’d be like, “Ah, these other things got in the way.” And I said, “Well, what distracted you?” He said, “Well, I had some emails I had to handle.” I said, “Why were you checking email?”

Steve Wershing:
Sure.

David Wood:
“Before your PFAB.” And he’s like, “Oh.” So next week he goes any he makes sure he does not check his voicemail. He does not check his email before he’s done his two most important things. He’s needle movers for his business. So it’s a bit of falling off the horse, and then getting back on the horse. And I’m a coach, I’m biased towards coaching. I have three coaches right now, for myself. So a coach can help you to tweak when it’s not working for you. And if you’re doing it with a coach or without a coach, don’t be disheartened just because you tried it, and it didn’t work in the first week or you fell off the horse. You get back on the horse. I have another client CEO of his own business. He’s like, I just need more focus and more consistency. And I ran through this checklist with him. And what he wasn’t doing was the five minutes at the end of each day.

He wasn’t doing that. So he wake up not knowing exactly what he was going to do that day. And then he wonders why he’s feeling a bit scattered. And he’ll go back. And through that, and in solidarity for him I set an alarm on my phone, three o’clock every day, choose your two needle movers for the next day. So I’m doing it with him. Sometimes I don’t do it because this is what you do when the goals you’ve set for yourself matter to you. If you don’t really mind you just enjoying your job, you don’t really care about the goals. Don’t do this.

Steve Wershing:
Yeah.

David Wood:
This is only if you care about making them happen in time and space. And if you want to feel grounded and confident and enjoy the process as you’re working on your business.

Steve Wershing:
So you talked about having a PFAB that was two hours a couple times a week, in fact, I’m imagining that for a busy person that can be an awfully tall order. And also I can think if you’re home schooling or if you’ve got staff that’s not used to this, that you’re going to get lots of interruptions even when you try to do this, is there some minimum length of time that makes for an effective PFAB that you could start with and start growing it to two hours? Or is there a way to ease into that?

David Wood:
Well, I can just tell you based on my experience, I wouldn’t want to do a PFAB less than an hour.

Steve Wershing:
Okay.

David Wood:
Because I’m just getting started, you’re just loading things up, you’re just working out the problems. It’s frustrating. So one thing you can do, I try not to schedule any calls on a Wednesday. So Wednesday is my six hour PFAB, basically. I have a session with my coach and the rest of it is available for me to do. But you could start with an hour. I have a personal preference that a PFAB be at least two hours. And also I don’t just crank it for two hours, I like the Pomodoro Technique, if you’ve, listeners you’ve ever heard of that.

Simple version of that is just set your timer for 25 minutes sprints. So I sit down, hey Syri, set alarm for 25 minutes. And then I get started. And when the alarm goes off, I get up, I go out, I pet the dog, I do a yoga stretch. And then I go back and I do another 25 minutes. And then I got another five minute break, I go out, I make a cup of tea, come back. It’s a wonderful way actually to get through. And then at the end of your PFAB go and love up your family, check your voicemail, screw around, go and chop down a tree, it doesn’t matter. Because you’ve done the two most important things.

Steve Wershing:
Yeah. Well, and I think mentioning the Pomodoro Technique is really valuable because I think for anybody who’s not done a PFAB or some focused session for an hour or a couple hours, it’s really hard to just sit down and work for two hours. But 25 minutes it is totally doable.

David Wood:
I can get myself to do anything, if I know it’s just 25 minutes. I don’t feel like work, I don’t want to work on that sales page. I could do 25 minutes, set the timer go. Something else I do for myself. This has just come up the last couple of days, as I say, all right, David, you’re going to do a bad draft of this video. Because I’m a perfectionist. And so I don’t want to face it because I think I’m not going to get it right the first time. Let’s do a bad draft. No problem that gets me into it gets me started.

Steve Wershing:
Yeah.

Julie Littlechild:
Yeah, there was something you referred to as the three steps to climbing a mountain twice as fast. Can you-

David Wood:
Yeah.

Julie Littlechild:
Talk about that, that sounds fascinating?

David Wood:
I can, and I can do it very efficiently. Because it’s now expanded to five steps and we just covered them.

Julie Littlechild:
Okay. I thought this was a different thing.

David Wood:
Now I’ve expanded it. I think these five wait, and I’ve just done a video. It’s not released yet, but it’s five reasons your productivity sucks. And it’s basically because you don’t have these five things we just went through with the goals, the plan, the CEO time, and then blocking off external distractions, and then handling the internal distractions. You get through those, you can have a really good time for a couple of hours and then come out feeling like a king or queen.

Julie Littlechild:
At the risk of getting too deep here, but maybe that’s okay. Do you think that people jump from one thing to the next in part because it stops them from failing at something? You never give something enough of a chance.

David Wood:
When you said at the risk of getting too deep, I was literally trying not to laugh out loud into the mic. Because I’m the guy who will take something we’re doing about the business and then zoom out to how it applies to the whole of life. So, yeah, I think that’s a great way to not confront failure. Just do a whole bunch of different things and don’t really focus on it. Same with dating. You can just date a whole bunch of different people and not commit to one partner. Because what if, God forbid, it doesn’t work out? I think that’s one reason. Another reason that we might do a whole bunch of different things is FOMO. Fear Of Missing Out. I really should be trying that method, and trying that method, and trying that method. It’s just ironic.

And if you try everything, you might get nothing. And then the third reason, I believe is dopamine. We want to fix, I know, I do. So we get a little dopamine hit every time we check a text message and then respond to it. We get a little dopamine hit whenever we take something off the to do list even if it’s just responding to an email. So by multitasking we’re ramping up our nervous system and amping ourselves up on adrenaline. We’re not being very effective, but we are getting some dopamine.

Julie Littlechild:
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.

Steve Wershing:
David, what would you say about the productivity of somebody who is in that focused state and being fairly calm as opposed to the person who’s working frantically? I’m thinking that a lot of people out there may think that they work frantically because they can get a lot more done. What would you say in response to that?

David Wood:
Well, what little I know of the science of the brain is that we can’t really multitask, particularly men, because of the ways our minds are wired. So we try and multitask but we can’t, and I think it does have us be ineffective. Now, there are times when I feel pretty productive by starting on something and then the page is slow to load. And I’m like, all right, I can handle this I’ll switch to something else. And I stopped doing that. Not a big deal, I can actually get quite a few things done. And then I’ll check an email and then I’ll do a text and whatever. But two things with that, if it’s really important. Say it’s a big task like doing a sales page or a rebranding or something like that. I do think I can get more done if I stopped doing other things. And I let my brain fully focus on this one thing. The other thing is the dopamine is good. I like dopamine and it’s good.

It’s good to feel ramped up and it’s good to, you have a cup of coffee and you feel ramped up and busy, it’s like a buzzing vibration. But it also feels good, slow down, take a deep breath and have peaceful focused action. What I just want is every listener to just try it, try it and see how it feels. You don’t have to work from this really amped up state all the time. And I’m telling you, your family will thank you because they don’t want you ramped up all the time. They want grounded present Bill or Betty who can be with them.

Steve Wershing:
Interesting.

Julie Littlechild:
I’m interested in understanding your journey as well. You’ve got a successful coaching business, how have you implemented some of these concepts and ideas to grow that business? Because it’s probably not dissimilar to a lot of the folks in the financial services industry who are listening who are seeking to grow their business as well.

David Wood:
Yeah, very similar. I’m a solopreneur, sometimes I have a team working with me to support me and I have clients. So quite similar to financial services business, I would think. Well, one thing is having a coach. I think it makes a huge difference. We talked about having CEO time, regular time for you to step back and look at your targets and look at what you’re doing. Even if it’s five minutes a day. Well, that’s what happens during a coaching session, that’s CEO time. It’s a forcing mechanism to make sure that you have to step back and look at what you’re doing. So that’s one thing.

Also, blocking off Wednesday with no external distraction so that I can work on the business instead of in the business has been very helpful. And then this blocking off external distraction and having PFABs has been very helpful. I get in and I get the important stuff done. Because it’s easy to be busy. Let’s admit that, it’s very easy to be busy. Look if you if you hire me as your coach, I can’t easily have you get twice as much done. But I can easily have you get twice as much of the important stuff done.

Julie Littlechild:
When you talk about working on the business, what does that mean to you? What things do you focus on?

David Wood:
Well, one example for me right now I’m going through a rebranding, I felt that my message was a bit too vague. So I’m like, how do we laser this down? And so I just registered the domain focus.ceo, and it says it all. And so that’s one example is, wow, I just forgot I was … really rolling on that question, I just forgot what it was. Would you tell me what it was again?

Julie Littlechild:
When you think about working on your business?

David Wood:
Oh, yeah. So that’s an example. Anything that’s a system is going to help. I just had a client say, “I need to work on my business more I’m not.” And I said, “Didn’t you just raise your prices?” She said, “Yeah.” I said, well, “That systemic. That’s something that’s going to influence your business for years to come. So that’s, okay, that’s working on your business.” I need to hire a social media person. that’s systemic. So that’ll serve me for weeks and months and possibly years to come. I need to hire someone else to do my podcast booking. Again, that systemic. So anything that makes your business easier, or automate, or systematize as something you’re doing I would consider that working on the business because you’re building the business. And by the way, I think the definition of a business is a set of systems that work. That’s what a business is. If you don’t have that you just have a job. And you’re just doing things ad hoc, from day to day. You start to systematize it, then you have a business.

Julie Littlechild:
Yeah.

Steve Wershing:
Interesting. So what would you recommend to our listeners that who are listening to this and saying, “Oh, yeah, that makes a lot of sense.” Where would you recommend they, what’s the first thing that they should do to get some of these into practice?

David Wood:
I would say, start with your goals. Write them down. Write down your goals, put them somewhere where you can easily access them, maybe share them with your team, maybe share them with your partner, maybe share them with your kids. Ask them what their goals are, that’s one. Two, do you have a plan? It doesn’t have to be complex. Just this is what has to happen for me to get there. And then three, book that CEO time. 30 minutes a week, is that too much to ask for you to think about your business and set some targets for the next week? I don’t think so. And then book in that five minutes as well at the end of each day. And then you know what to do now about the PFABs. The biggest thing about that is that you … two things, you schedule the PFABs. Maybe it’s four hours on a Saturday morning.

Maybe it’s between 9:00 and 11:00 after the kids have gone to bed, whatever works for you. I don’t care. You schedule the PFABs. But here’s number two, you show up for the PFABs. Now a lot of people don’t even block the time out in the calendar. The ones that do, a lot of people don’t show up. “Oh, I got busy or this client thing was urgent.” It’s going to require a bit of discipline. If you’re not going to exercise any discipline at all, I can’t help you.

Steve Wershing:
That is a challenge I, there are a number of folks that I work with, and even I face this myself, as you put it on your calendar to book the meeting with yourself to do it. But because it’s with yourself, you have a tendency not to take it that seriously or to be willing to be flexible about it. Where you would never be that flexible, if a client was going to show up in your office all of a sudden. Any tips on how people can keep that more, take that more seriously and keep it more sacred?

David Wood:
What I do, when it’s really important that I show up is I set an alarm. So that’s important. I set an alarm, it goes off it reminds me. Also, sometimes I need to set an alarm just to let me know it’s coming. Like say an alarm could go off at 30 minutes and say you got to PFAB at nine o’clock. And then 30 minutes later and other alarm will go off and say you should be down at your desk right now with your cup of tea ready to go. Another thing you can do is prepare. So if you got a PFAB coming up, don’t get to nine o’clock when your PFAB is time. And then you’ve got to go and talk to your family, then you’ve got to get your cup of tea, then you got to turn your computer on and get your headset or whatever it is. Prepare, maybe prepare the day before so that you really can devote that time. And I think you used the word sacred. Is that right, Steve?

Steve Wershing:
Yeah.

David Wood:
I don’t think I’d use that word yet on this interview, but I do see it as a sacred date with yourself. And there’s something here, Julie, you said let’s not get too deep. Well, you were talking to the wrong guy at that time.

Julie Littlechild:[inaudible 00:34:52].

David Wood:
I believe as we do this as we set dates with yourself and show up, and as we set time gets that matter to us. And then we show up and work on them, then it boosts our self esteem. It boosts our confidence, we start to believe more in ourselves as we should, because our word starts to matter more. And I want every listener to this interview, to start treating yourself, at least as well as you treat other people. You wouldn’t want to be 10 minutes late to someone else if you had an appointment with them, give yourself the same respect.

Julie Littlechild:
It’s an interesting point you’re making, as you were talking I was over and like mulling over this idea that I don’t know if there’s some gender specific commentary here because it’s probably a lot of people who have a hard time putting themselves first. And in a way that’s what you’re doing. I mean, it might be your business or your family, but to the extent that at some lurking level you believe that everyone else’s needs come first, it becomes very hard to do those things.

David Wood:
Yeah, I think you’re right. And I think there are gender dynamics at play as well. Women have told me that it’s harder for them. That in our society in our culture, when they are raised boys should have desires, and boys should speak up, and boys should be heard. And little girls should just be seen and not heard. They should just be happy. In fact, one woman told me she was on a date with another girl, say age like 16. And there were a couple of boys. And one boy said, “Where do you want to eat? Should we do Italian?” And my friend started to speak up. And her friend elbowed her in the ribs and said, “Shut up. The way to get a guy is to want what they want.”

Julie Littlechild:
My husband don’t tell him that because he’ll be shocked.

David Wood:
Right. You may be the exception to the rule. So I understand that gender dynamics are at play. But I still think it’s also hard for, sometimes for me, I will do something for someone else. Even though I identify as quite self centered and self selfish in a lot of areas. Sometimes I’ll do it because someone else is a play. Whereas if it’s for myself, no one’s going to know, who cares. I’m not going to, I’m not going to eat well, I’m not going to exercise. I’m not going to … so there’s a good example. I may not go for a jog. But if I had a date set with a buddy for three o’clock to go for a jog, I’m going to do it because I don’t want to cancel my buddy. Or cancel myself.

Steve Wershing:
I think that’s an important point. And even more than just not respecting yourself. I think that a lot of people get into financial advice because they want to help people. And so they tend to put their clients interests before their own. Saying, “Well, I really want to get out and get a job. But I promised this client I would send them the email, or I promised this client I would submit this form or whatever it is.” And well, that gets clogged up and they end up not going for the jog.

David Wood:
Right, right. I just talked to a business owner this morning, and she said, “I want to focus more on my business.” And I said, “Well, have you created time for that?” She said, “Yeah, I have.” And I kept going through the checklist, where are you falling off the horse? She wasn’t showing up for that time.

Steve Wershing:
Yeah.

David Wood:
She created it. But she wasn’t showing up for the time. I said, “All right, how can you do that, what would work for you?” And she talked it out. She said, “Well, I’ve been setting this time on a Friday. But when Friday comes along, I feel like I’m behind on the client work and I have to do it. I’m going to try it on a Monday. So first thing I do time working on my business. Then once that’s done, I will work on my clients businesses.”

Steve Wershing:
Interesting.

David Wood:
So I went, “Great. Try it out, we’ll see what happens.”

Steve Wershing:
Yeah, that’s a great idea. Well, Julie, did you want to ask something else?

Julie Littlechild:
No, that’s awesome.

Steve Wershing:
Okay. Yeah. So this has been great, David, there are a lot of really good ideas in here. If people want to find out more about you or about your work, where can they go?

David Wood:
They can go to focus.ceo. And they can request a discovery session with me if something resonated for you. And you’ve been thinking about working with a coach, I don’t charge for it. The only qualification is you need to be seriously interested in working with a coach. And we’ll create a plan and do an assessment and see where you’re falling off the horse. And for some people one session is enough, that might be it. But if you’re in the majority and you want ongoing support we can talk about coaching and how that works. So focus.ceo.

Steve Wershing:
That’s great. Yeah, David, thank you so much for joining us. This is great.

David Wood:
You’re welcome. I had a blast. Thank you, Steve and Julie.

Julie Littlechild:
Hi, it’s Julie again. It was great to have you with us on Becoming Referable. If you like what you’ve been hearing, please do us a favor and rate us on iTunes. It really does help. You can get all the links, show notes and other tidbits from these episodes at becomingreferable.com. You can also get our free report, Three Referral Myths That Limit Your Growth, and connect with our blogs and other resources. Thanks so much for joining us.